Sunday, November 29, 2009

What are you going to do with a freakin hippopotamus?

Since Christmas time is now upon us (it has really been here for about 3 weeks now) I've been listening to the 24/7 Christmas music radio stations.  There are a ton of wonderful Christmas songs out there, but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized that there are a ton of terrible Christmas songs as well.  Because of this I decided to make a list of Christmas songs that I think are super annoying or just plain bad.  Enjoy.

1) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - What are you going to do with a hippopotamus? Honestly, don't you realize that they are one of the most deadly animals in Africa?  They are considered by some to be the most dangerous animals to humans, and are known to kill at least 8 humans a day.  A South Park quote about global warming would fit nicely here so that this little girl will better understand her request, "Help yourself to a freakin science book because you're talking like a freakin retard right now!"

2) Dominick the Donkey - A Christmas donkey? Really? Have we really run out of ideas?

3) Santa Baby - The only thing Madonna needs for Christmas is another Valtrex prescription and a kick in the teeth.

4) So This is Christmas - John Lennon didn't believe in Jesus, but he made a Christmas song? Oh yea, it was really about protesting war, the only thing he was any good at.  Get out of my holiday.

5) Do They Know It's Christmas? - No Bono, they probably don't know it's Christmas because they celebrate Kwanzaa.

6) Anything by Mannheim Steamroller - I don't even know where to begin with this one.  If you've ever heard any of them then I'm sure you know what I mean.  They're just extremely annoying.

7) Merry Christmas Darling - Okay, I realize I'm probably alone on this one, but this song just really gets on my nerves.  Don't play it so much and it won't bother me as much.

8) Blue Christmas - Does anyone know what Elvis is saying?  He's either saying, "I'll have a blue Christmas without you," or, "get me off of this toilet because I overdosed on pills!"  I really can't tell.

9) Little Saint Nick - Thank you, Beach Boys, for recycling every song you've ever written and adding Christmas lyrics to it.

10) Snoopy's Christmas - This song wouldn't be so bad if the stupid chorus didn't get stuck in my head all of the time.  I swear once I hear this song I can't get it out of my head!

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